When dishonesty creeps in

I love my girlfriend, but she makes it so hard to be honest!" A young, 22-year-old can't understand the paradox of loving someone and being unable to be completely honest. After all, weren't we brought up to believe that love and honesty went hand-in-hand if a couple was to experience the bliss of togetherness? 

True, but it's also important for the person at the receiving end, to take a step back and realise, maybe it's a two-way street! Maybe, your partner is not the only one to blame. If you find that your partner is lying to you, the first thing you do, (post the yelling/shock) is to get to the heart of the matter. Here are reasons why couples in relationships lie:

Too many rules 
Sometimes, couples set unnecessary, controlling boundaries for partners that lead to lying. Nobody likes being told what to do. For instance, the boyfriend decides his girlfriend cannot talk to any other boy or cannot hang out with her gal pals. In such cases, a partner might feel suffocated and pull away, heralding a volley of lies.

Fear of criticism 
Partners usually seek support and appreciation from each other, but if they face harsh criticism or feel condemned when they make a mistake, lying might be the easiest route out.

Defence mechanism 
A lot of people adopt lying as a way of life, as it makes life easier, helps avoid punishment or negativity and solves short-term problems. Facing the truth, accepting reality and then incorporating a change is hard, but it's definitely possible.

Peer pressure 
People also lie under peer pressure to indulge in activities that might potentially upset their partners (such as smoking or drinking).

Acceptance 
It's difficult to find people who love and accept you for the person you are. When people feel alienated, they exaggerate facts or make up stories for approval. So, what should one do if they find that they are being lied to?

Think about what your partner lied about — is it trivial or something that could scar your relationship or your self-esteem.

Clear your communication channels. Ask your partner his reasons for lying. Understand their motivation and decide over time, if it's acceptable to you or not.

Comprehend your partner's reaction — is he sincere about not repeating the lie. It could also be a mirror to one's own insecurities.

Figure out if you can change your attitude towards your partner, which might improve bonding and avoid unnecessary lies in the future. Maybe you were too harsh and had unrealistic expectations. What 'you' would do in a similar situation — try and explain that as a solution to your partner. Explain your needs and wants in a clear and calm manner. Lies are mostly unnecessary and painful. But this time around, use the lessons to understand your individual personalities and compatibility. Experience is the best teacher and at worst, it's an excuse to eat more chocolate, meet new people and to try something different!

Be his 'sexy' always

Here are ways to up the heat 

Early morning 'sex' surprise: Begin your day by surprising him! How about turning the table and you playing the initiator in an early-morning romp before turkey and trimmings stuff you two?

Massage time: The early morning steamy action must have left him tired. It's time to pamper him a little. Go ahead turn your bathroom into a spa and arrange for a sexy massage for your man. Get out those seasonal smelling lotions, candles and warm towels and let your hands do the magic on his body. You never know, he may just want to return the favour!

Yummy 'sexy' breakfast: By the time the massage is over, the two of you will be tormented with hunger pangs. So, brace up for a yummy breakfast, prepared by the two of you together. Make sure you only have the most sensuous of food items on your plate for the day! You can also try feeding each other sensual fruits like strawberries.

Gifts galore: Gift time is not restricted to certain days of the year. What better way to surprise him in the afternoon by turning into a 'hot' gift yourself? Drive him wild by wrapping yourself in nothing but ribbons. Lace-up yourself in a sexy bra and knicker set and add the final touch with bows for him to untie later. Do you still say afternoons are boring?

Text him 'sex': Just when he though it was all over for the day, send him a racy text message hinting what's in store for the evening. The excitement isn't over yet!

Rub of love: Keep the early evening for a refreshing bath. Rub each other with anything staring from yummy strawberry and chocolate sauces followed by a final rinse with sweet smelling bathing gels. All set for the eventful night.

It's time to party: Set the mood for a really sexy party that includes just the two of you. Titillate him by dancing around in a sensuous party dress. Bring some more fun by adding a strip tease only for him.

Dinner can't get sexier: The party is sure to leave you in some hot surprises between the sheets and of course hungry! So, instead of going out, order your favourite food at home and serve it on your body. Yes, you heard it right, blind fold your man and let him eat his food off your hot bod!

Good night surprise: Wrap up his eventful day by wearing proper, old-fashioned sexy, silky stockings and suspenders. Trust us, he will from now onwards only shower you with all you the stuff you have been craving for! 

List of men you shouldn't marry

So you love your fiance, but is he the right person to marry? Well, Father Pat Connor, missionary, marital expert and the first priest ever to be quoted by Glamour magazine, sure knows the answer. 

The Australian-born Catholic priest, now based in New Jersey, has condensed his wisdom from 40-odd years of counselling engaged couples into one manual of advice—Whom Not to Marry.

He has conducted premarital counselling and presided over more than 200 weddings.

He also lectures high school girls on the pitfalls of marrying the wrong guy.

And he likes to catch women young, because once they have fallen in love they will be less likely to absorb his sensible and often unromantic advice.

He believes there are no soulmates, only lovers to whom we commit.

Connor's central thesis is that you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you can't be successfully married.

He advises a year-long engagement to examine fully the values and character of your future spouse.

And Connor's 'whom not to marry' list is as follows:

1. Mummy's boys

2. Men who are bad with money

3. Men with no friends

4. Men who put you down in public

5. Men who are rude to waitering staff

6. Men unable to laugh at themselves

7. Men unwilling to share authority

8. Men who never make demands countering yours 

10 tips to get your man wild in bed

Men rarely divulge their secret desires to the women in their lives and though everyone has different needs and desires there are some moves and attitudes that most men want. Read on to find out what they are and then give him the time of his life! 

Give some subtle suggestions 
For men (even though he's known you for a while now) a woman's libidinous longings are not always easy to decipher. If you drop some hints about what all you want and guide him along, he will love you for it.

Trust us, the man who really loves you would love to please you in every way possible. So, talk to him and tell him if he's doing just what you wanted or if you want him to continue with something a little longer.

Bowl him over with a wild move 
Do something unexpected and wild when you both are at it. Something erotic that he will not be able to forget soon. Make your session stand out by coming up with signature moves. Work on pleasuring him in different ways.

Offer the spice of variety 
Change in speed, positions and pressure can really make the entire experience very different. Whether it is the foreplay or the actual act, if there is variety he will never really know what to expect and therefore it will help a great deal in revving up his senses.

Turn it on yourself 
Since women take time to get turned on, men love women who can take that responsibility off them so that he can actually get to work. Though your man may love to do all that he needs to in order to get you aroused but he would definitely like it if you were already half-way there. Somehow the fact that you are already in an aroused state is a huge thing for him.

Spring a surprise 
For men it is a massive ego boost to know that you want him too. Surprising him with a spontaneous seduction act can really win him. He will not be likely to forget it in a hurry.

Don't be scared to be naughty 
Don't hold back when you are with your guy. Yes, we know that you have this 'good-girl' image that you hold sacred. Men like to see this other side of you when you are not scared to break his 'good-girl' image of you. They will never cause offense by actually asking you to do it. Just show him that you are really into him and want him as much as he wants you.

Give him an eyeful 
Leaving something on your body, for him to remove can be very arousing. When you are at it just make sure you are near a mirror so that you can see yourselves in action. It can be hot.

Get rough 
Yes, he wants it rough at times and he would love it if you let him know that you want it too. Bring out the beast in him and tell him you are having the time of your life.

Take over 
Sometimes men just want you to take over while he just lies down and enjoys. It is an ultimate fantasy for them.

Wear his fav lingerie 
Show him that you care by wearing his favourite lingerie. 

Never-heard before sexual fantasies

Seeking passion in their love life and wanting to enhance their sexual pleasure, both men and women harbour deep sexual fantasies. While some resemble the regular sex activities, others maybe wild in nature.

Some are even inspired by porn flicks. It's not a bad idea to get down and dirty and introduce some adventure into your sex act by reenacting your sexual fantasies. 

We've heard much about common sexual desires like making out on a secluded beach, having sex with an unknown stranger, seeing your partner undress in the light and duplicating porn stars etc. But have you ever heard of someone making love in a hot air balloon 1,000 feet above the ground or getting intimate with a fully clad partner in the elevator or storage room? 

Dr. Chirta Bakshi, a relationship counselor explains, "Fantasies play a really crucial role in a couples' sexual life as it can decide on their pleasure quotient. It has everything to make or break their sexual bonding. If fantasies are fulfilled, they can do magic and if not it they can insert trouble in the sexual paradise. The nature of a fantasy also matters because depending on his/her partner's comfort levels -couples can make an effort to execute their fantasies together." 

Here are some never-heard before sexual fantasies that can rock your sex life: 

1. Steamy romp using ice cubes : Couples who wish to move away from bedroom boredom can take their sexual act all the way to their washrooms, kitchens or balconies. Some couples love getting raunchy inside a deep freezer with frozen ice all around. "Once in summer, me and my wife decided to get naked and put cover up each other's bodies with ice. As the ice melted it caused tantaslising sensations that turned us on. We also increased the lust quotient by licking and sucking the melting ice cubes from each others' bodies. The heat in our bodies and the cool sexiness of the ice made us scream for more sex," says Subodh Mishra, a 32-year-old advertising executive. 

Hidden pleasure : Exchanging body heat with the cool sensations in your body is a great sex stimulant. It might be tough to bear the melting ice, but the process of heating up your partner is sure to keep you charged up. 

2. Sexually aroused with a fully clad partner : It's indeed exciting to witness your partner undressing slowly and arousing for a steamy act in bed. But it can be equally fun to slip between the sheets with a fully clad partner. "I always wanted to have sex with my boyfriend when we were fully clothed instead of routinely ripping off each others' clothes. The hidden pleasure of finding your beau's moan zones through their clothes adds an edge to the love-making," says 27-year-old copy editor Pragya Sen. 

Hidden pleasure : As you try to reach and find your partner's trigger zones, the little hindrances here and there that come in your way, push you to act wilder and make your partner feel even more wanted. Opening his/her buttons or sliding your hands inside their clothes will add to the sexctasy. 

3. Having sex in the trial room : This one figures high on the wish list of couples. "I find the urgency of making out in a public place makes me climax like never before. Me and my girlfriend once went clothes' shopping at a unisex store and while trying out the clothes we started to kiss each other passionately. Soon, we had ripped each others' clothes off and were wild. It was hard to keep our moaning down," admits 21-year-old student Deepak Jha. So, tag along your lover for shopping and make sure to call them into the trial room for a secret sex soiree. "The quickie kind of sex is great to pep up one's sexual appetite," he adds. 

Hidden pleasure : The fear of being caught at a forbidden location is what pushes couples to enjoy sex like never before. Watching their performance in the trial room mirror or keeping a check of who's standing outside keeps them aroused for a gratifying act. 

4. Making out in a hot air balloon : Nothing can be as adventurous as sex combined with an adventure sport. Couples seek pleasure while trying out things like bungee jumping, river rafting or trekking. But imagine flying 10,000 feet above the ground in a hot air balloon - there can be no better chance to get intimate with your partner. Such a fantasy might make you dish out the mullah, but the pleasure is surely worthwhile. "I once had sex with my fiance on a boat when we were out rafting. The cool winds, the open sky and the rocking of the boat made the sex unbelievable. Being naked amidst nature is a great thrill," says 29-year-old teacher Madhavi Malani. 

Hidden pleasure : It brings an immense gratification when you can view the whole world, but no one can see you as you indulge in a sexual session with your beloved. 

5. Passion heat in a mud pond : Mud fights looks interesting on screen, but when real life couples jump into messy muddy pools with their lovers, it can certainly add to their sexual pleasure. It's indeed a crazy fantasy to perform the act in a messy place, but the urge to get wild is what encourages couples to think out-of-the-box and enjoy sexual bliss. "There was some construction work going on in our compound that left the area extremely messy. Once after a vicious fight, we just got wild rolling in the mud and ripping off each others' clothes. It was a stimulating experience to get so wild. So much better than a predictable sex on the bed with clean sheets. After the romp, we had a bath together and that got us lustful for more hot sex," says 34-year-old lawyer Ram Chandra. 

Hidden pleasure : As couples get all messy and dirty, they take extra pleasure in wiping the mud off from their partner's body through their tender touches. These little gestures are a perfect way to stimulate their moan zones for a better performance. 

Girls stress more about FB updates

An Australian survey has found that women were more stressed out than men to keep their Facebook status updates interesting.

Sixty nine per cent women of the 420 Australians interviewed said they felt the pressure to keep their status updated, as opposed to only 39 per cent of men, reports News .

The Cenovis Chill Pill survey, conducted by Galaxy research, has suggested that the pressures associated with social media are a large contributor to high stress levels among its users.

While 63 per cent believed social media was contributing to the stress levels, over one third (37 per cent) felt under pressure to be in constant contact and 35 per cent said there was an expectation to respond quickly to messages.

Over 13 per cent felt stressed while trying to be witty in writing status updates on Facebook .

La Trobe University law student Nikkita Venville said she could relate to the survey's findings.

"There's a bit of pressure to have a unique status that people will laugh at and press the 'like' button," said the 24-year-old from Melbourne.

Venville said she felt 'out of loop' if she did not check or respond to messges on Facebook regularly.

She said that she was spending so much time on Facebook that she asked her sister to change her password so she could study for her exams.

Flirting style influences relationship type

A playful, physical style of flirting invites short term, casual relationships, but polite and sincere flirting could draw a long term partner. 

In short, a flirting style can influence the type of relationship you enter into, says a new study.

The findings come from a study of over 5,100 people looking at the way they communicate their romantic interest, reports the journalCommunication Quarterly .

They filled out a questionnaire about the way they flirted and their relationship history, reports theTelegraph .

Jeffrey Hall, of the University of Kansas in the US, found there were five different types of flirting - traditional, physical, sincere, playful and polite.

While everybody exhibited aspects of each style, for most people one dominated over the other and this could have an effect on the type of person and relationship you attract.

Hall said that if you were unhappy with the type of person you were attracting then it might mean you should modify your flirting technique for more success.

"Flirting does tend to reflect personality and we are not saying you can change your style completely but some modification may help you find the right person for a relationship," he said.

"In some ways, the very early part of developing relationships is important to the success of long-term relationships, including marriages," Hall concluded.

Why flashy females are great mates

A new study from University of Puget Sound explains why contrary to most cases, female lizards of Arizona's south-eastern mountains are more colourful than males. 

The female striped plateau lizards are more colourful than males – displaying an orange patch on their throats during reproductive season – and the more colourful the female, the more robust are her offspring.

"In the female striped plateau lizard the orange-coloured patches they develop during the reproductive season are based on pterin pigments, not on carotenoids, so this trade-off between ornaments and eggs may be eliminated," said Stacey Weiss.

The study shows that the more colourful the lizard, the more yolk antioxidants there are in her eggs.

"Thus, in S. virgatus, female ornaments may advertise egg quality. In addition these data suggest that more-ornamented females may produce higher-quality offspring, in part because their eggs contain more antioxidants," said Weiss.

The colouration also suggests that more colourful females produce healthier eggs and attract more and/or higher-quality male mates, ultimately producing high-quality offspring.

The study is published in the British Ecological Society's Journal of Animal Ecology . 

Make a positive first impression

It's rightly said, the first impression you make on someone is the one that's going to stay with them for a lifetime. Yes, how you present yourself the first time you're meeting someone — be it a potential life partner or a potential new employer, your classmates on the first day of college or even a new group of people — is of utmost importance in building and maintaining relationships. 

Knowing how to make a good first impression is very essential. Here are a few quick tips on how to make a good first impression:

Stand up straight : Standing upright automatically makes a person look taller and more importantly, it radiates an air of confidence.

Walk confidently : A confident stride is one of the sure signs of a winner. Hence, if you want to make your mark the very first time you meet someone, make sure your walk radiates your confidence. So not drag your feet or hunch your back.

Eye contact : One good way to make a positive impression on a person is by looking them straight in the eye. Moreover, do not look away immediately but hold their gaze for a few seconds. This will help create a bond.

The handshake : It should be brief yet firm. This will a sign that you are confident about who you are and what you are doing. Do not slouch while shaking the other persons hand or do not go on shaking it excessively, both are immediate signs of nervousness. Also, remember to smile when you're shaking the person's hand. A firm handshake at the end of a conversation or a meeting is also very important, it will leave a lasting good impression of your confidence.

Introduce yourself : If the person opposite you knows your name and addresses you, reply with a 'hello, nice to meet you?'. In case the opposite person does not know your name, do not hesitate to introduce yourself to them. As much as possible, try to know the name of the person you are meeting. It will boost your confidence.

Pay attention : Whether you're meeting a blind date or a new employer or a friend's colleague, remember to pay attention while talking to them. Make eye contact during the course of the conversation. If you are preoccupied with some other thoughts, it will show on your face and nothing is more embarrassing than being caught not paying attention to what the opposite person is saying.

Relax : No matter how nervous you may be, if you want to make that perfect first impression, you need to be relaxed. If you are stressed out, it will immediately show., so just relax. Take a deep breath and let your face reflect an aura of poise and confidence. It will also show in your attitude and enthusiasm. 

Rekindle the lost love after baby-birth

Do you feel that taking care of your baby is killing the passion in your marriage? Then it's time you pull up your socks and do something about it before your marriage becomes boring, and your spouse becomes just a room-mate. Follow these tips to rekindle the lost love and bring passion back in your marriage. 

It's in the Appearance 
Earlier in the relationship did you make efforts to look your best? It's time you start doing it again 'coz it would make your spouse take notice of you and also make believe that you are still making the effort to look beautiful and smart, just for them.

Go back to Dating school 
Dating is not only for those who are courting or for the newly-weds. It's as effective for new parents as they require that 'us' time. You can ask someone you trust to take care of your child and plan an evening out – dinner and a long drive. "We are lucky that we have our parents or in-laws living with us who can take care of the baby. So, whenever Varun and I go out, we don't have the 'I hope the baby is fine' worry running at the back of our mind," says singer Rajeshwari Sachdev. But what if you don't have help? No worries! You can always plan a dinner at home, snuggle on the couch after the baby has gone to sleep.

Learn the art of Seduction 
If there is marriage without sexual intimacy, then it can be in real trouble. Sex is a very important part of your relationship. And if that's missing then your partner may start looking for it outside the relationship. So go that extra mile in the bedroom – wear that sexy lingerie, bring in the whipped cream and chocolate sauce, basically do whatever it takes. "Hormone levels can fluctuate post pregnancy and breastfeeding results in a loss of libido. It's essential for the parents to regenerate and revive their sexual passion. Sex is powerful in creating intimacy which is the central factor in any romantic relationship," says psychologist Rachna Kothari.

"The priority should always be couple first and then the child. It's only when the parents are happy, the child will be happy," says actress Tanaaz Currim. Rajeshwari adds, "Don't crib that it's exhausting and frustrating, just go with the flow. After all, your child is your real labour of love."

Time for some romance 
Remember the time when you used to bring flowers for your wife? It's time to do it again, boys. Also, put love notes in each others purses. Serve your wife breakfast in bed, or give each other body massages.

Remember, it's the gesture that counts.

Make your deodorant at home

Deodorants are in huge demand in the market these days. Citrusy, fruity, sporty, floral-you name it and the fragrance is there. Gone are the days when you had a limited choice, but how many of us know that we can personalise our fragrances? If you don't like the woody smell in a fragrance but still want something smelling similar, then try making them yourself. In fact, fragrances can be made effortlessly at home and it isn't all that time consuming either. This way your fragrance will be chemical-free so no more dark underarms. Here are some easy homemade recipes that you can try:

Homemade deodorant stick 
You will need: 
2 ounces of baking soda
About one ounce vodka
8 ounces beeswax
4 ounces cornstarch
1 ounce liquid chlorophyll
About 2 ounces distilled water
10-15 drops of rose, honeysuckle, coriander oil according to your preference

Procedure: 
- Mix all the above mentioned ingredients except for chlorophyll and beeswax and mix them well.
- Then melt the beeswax and mix both, chlorophyll and beeswax, in the main mixture.
- Allow this mixture to cool down.
- Before it solidifies again add a little bit of chlorophyll and a few drops of essential oils.
- Now let the whole mixture to solidify into a mould.
- Once that happens take it out and store it in a dry and cool place.

Cream deodorant 
You will need: 
One full tablespoon Glycerin
Half ounce Cocoa butter
One tablespoon Rosewater
Half ounce Beeswax

Procedure: 
- Take cocoa butter and beeswax in a boiler and let it melt down.
- Once it is off the boiler add rosewater, a few drops of essential oils and glycerin.

Deodorising foot bath 
You will need: 
5-6 tablespoon of Epsom salt
Half cup white vinegar
About one gallon warm water

Procedure: 
Mix all the ingredients and soak your feet in the mixture for about 15 minutes and then dry off your feet.
This will greatly help you in preventing foul odour on feet.

For sensitive skin 
You will need: 
2 teaspoons zinc oxide powder
2/3 cup witch hazel extract
2 tablespoon aloe vera juice
30-40 drops essential oils
30 drops calendula extract
10 drops lavender essential oil

Procedure: 
- Mix zinc oxide powder with witch hazel extract.
- Add aloe vera juice and essential oils to this mixture.
- This is your basic mixture. For sensitive skin you must add the calendula extract and the lavender essential oil to the fluid.
- Store in a dark glass bottle.
- Calendula and lavender are mild. Hence they suit people with sensitive skin that is prone to rashes and breakouts.

A tip: In summer, store your deodrants in the refrigerator. This will not only increase the life of your fragrance but will also be intensely refreshing when you apply it on those hot summer days. 

Buddhist Beliefs and Meditation

• Karma: Actions have consequences ,so our lives are conditioned by our past actions
  

• Rebirth: Consciousness continues after death, and finds expression in a future life

• Liberation from karma: By following the Buddha's path one escapes the cycle of craving and suffering

• The Four Noble Truths: As Buddha sat beneath the Bodhi tree; he experienced the four noble truths that underline all his teachings. 
  
  Dukkha: Every existence is unsatisfactory and is filled with countless sufferings.
  
  Trsna: Clinging to the wrong things leads to suffering. In fact, trying to find stability in a changing world is never the right way to lead a meaningful life.
  
  Nirvana: This is the only possible way to end our sufferings.
  
  The Noble Eightfold Path: It is the way to find an effective solution to our sufferings and bring them to an end.
• Enlightenment: The highest goal of life is to reach Enlightenment; a state of being that goes beyond suffering and all worldly ties.

• Dharma: An effective way to nirvana.

Meditation is at the heart of the Buddhist way of life. It basically helps you in to attain a higher level of consciousness. We first learn to identify our negative mental state known as 'delusion', and then develop peaceful and positive mental state or 'virtuous mind'. 

We overcome our delusions by becoming familiar with our virtuous mind. Later, we have to maintain the virtuous minds we have developed and use our wisdom to solve the problems of daily life. As our mind becomes more positive, our actions become more constructive and our experience of life becomes more satisfying and beneficial to others.

Anyone can learn basic meditation techniques and experience great benefits. However, the progress beyond basic meditation requires faith in the Three Jewels - Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. It is usually seen that this develops naturally as people experience the benefits of their meditation practice. 

• 
  

Life of Buddha

T

The birth of Pince Siddharth was a significant event in the history of mankind. He was born in 563 B.C. to King Suddhodana and Queen Maya in the royal grove of Lumbini between Devadaha and Kapilvastu. The royal family belonged to the Gautama Gothra of the Sakya clan of the solar race. Their kingdom Kapilvastu was between the Nepalese foothills and the river Raptu. The Shakayas were priestly-warriors, wealthy knights and landowners.

On the fifth day of the birth of the prince, the naming ceremonies were performed and it was predicted that the newly born was destined to be either a universal monarch or a supreme enlightened one, a Buddha. King was shocked by this prediction and enquired, "What will my son see that will be the occasion of his forsaking the household life?" The soothsayers said, "Four signs" and described them as "a man worn by age, a sick man, a dead body and a hermit" 

The King provided his son with all luxuries, and ensured a comfortable and pleasure-filled childhood with the best education. He took special care to protect him from any negative sight. In his youth, Prince Siddhartha married Princess Yasodhara. She bore him a son. But all these worldly ties were not able to stop him from forfeiting worldly pleasures.

During one of his few excursions, Siddhartha saw four things, which opened his eyes towards the harsh realities of life. He saw an old man suffering from the frailties of age, a sick man suffering from disease, a beggar suffering from hunger and he saw a dead body. All these events affected him immensely and Siddhartha finally came to the conclusion that nothing is permanent in life. The infirmities of old age, the pangs of hunger, the pain of sickness and end of life brought sufferings that he had never experienced. 
All these events in his life forced him to search for truth that eventually changed his life. At the age of twenty-nine, he left his home in search of the answers to his questions, leaving behind his wife and son, his father and a crown that held the promises of power and glory. After leaving his homeland, Siddhartha made his way to the hermitage of renowned sages of that time. But found these teachers' range of knowledge was insufficient to grant him that which was still unknown to him. He followed the path of self-mortification and went on testing the truth of it for six years but could not attain his desired goal.
Self-mortification could not lead to his desired aim. He came to death's door and realized the utter futility of self-mortification. He gave up self-torture, extreme fasting and began to take nourishing food. Gradually he regained strength and his original appearance. Then began an intense meditation program until he came to know about the absolute truth. He meditated under the Bodhi tree in Bodhgaya. At the end of his meditation, in just one night (C. 528 B.C.), Siddhartha came to know about all his previous lives and the truth about cycle of birth and rebirth and how to end the cycle of infinite sorrow. Siddhartha became the "Buddha" or "awakened one".

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

How to Start a Freshwater Aquarium the Right Way

A Healthy Aquarium

Fish keeping can be a rewarding pet hobby be they tropical or goldfish. Watching healthy fish is one of the best stress relievers around. But there is a right way to start that will save money and fish lives in the long run and the key is patience. This method comes from a 20 year experience keeping fish and breeding goldfish and koi in aquarium and pond environments.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Aquarium - how many gallons is up to you
• Aquarium Stand
• Light
• Under Gravel Filter
• Power Filter
• Heater only for tropical fish
• Gravel
• Natural rocks
• Air Stone
• Plastic or real plants
• Dechlorinator
• Starter bacteria or a cup of water from an established aquarium

1. 1
   PLACEMENT AND PUTTING IT TOGETHER - Many aquariums come in a kit of some kind that includes light, filter and heater. Stands are often sold separate. Set the aquarium up in a location where it will not be hit by direct sunlight to avoid excess algae growth. Some aquariums will come with a light and filtration system all in one in a top. It all depends on what company it comes from. The light should ideally be full spectrum like daylight especially if you want to grow live plants. Live plants are not recommended for gold fish as these fish are vegetarian and will destroy any planting. Both a power and under gravel filter should be used to provide both mechanical and biological filtration especially with gold fish as they produce more waste. Power filters are rated according to how many gallons the tank is to insure you purchase the right one for the job. Install the heater only if you will house tropical fish. The air stone is needed in both cold water and tropical environments to keep the water well oxygenated. They come in many sizes and styles and can be hidden among the aquarium decor.
2. 2
   GRAVEL & DECOR - Once all the under gravel filter parts are put in place put in gravel after it has been rinsed of all dust. This should be two inches deep in front and built up in a hill three inches or so at the back. Place the plants in next making sure bases are well buried if plastic and roots well covered if live. Natural rocks may be added for an interesting underwater landscape after they are washed in salt and water or plastic rocks may be used. NEVER USE SOAP on anything in the aquarium or you will kill the fish. It is best not to add any of those air powered animated curios as they contain too many sharp edges that can injure fish. An underwater landscape that is natural is better. Also avoid sea shells as the calcium and lime content can cause a water chemistry imbalance.
3. 3
   WATER & FILTRATION - Water can be added at this point, but be gentle so plants and other decor are not disturbed. A good way is to pour the water slowly over the largest rock to disburse the force. Fill the aquarium to within an inch of the top. Start up the filters and put in the dechlorinator. Let the filter run over night to rid the water of cloudiness caused by gravel dust and then add a starter culture of good bacteria or a cup of water from an aged healthy aquarium that will set up a colony in the filters.
4. 4
   FISH - This is often the hard part for those starting in the hobby. Let the aquarium age one to two weeks before putting in any fish. The reason being the live plants need to get acclimated and the good bacteria need time to grow. This is crucial for a healthy aquarium. When fish are added a good formula to avoid over crowding is for tropicals two inches of fish body length per gallon and for goldfish one inch of fish body length per gallon. For a healthy aquarium DO NOT put goldfish in with tropicals. They have different temperature needs. Gold fish prefer and are healthiest in water around 65 degrees. Do not add all the fish at once as it will shock the filtration system and a cloudy water will indicate a bacterial problem. It is best to add one or no more than two fish at a time.
5. 5
   AQUARIUM HEALTH - To keep everybody healthy test water for acidity once a week and adjust the PH according to what the species of fish prefers. Kits are available for this. Water changes are also done according to species. A good recommendation for tropicals is a 1/3 change of water once a month with a check, rinsing or change of filter pads and charcoal that should be done at this time. For goldfish a 1/3 change of water should be done twice a month with a check, rinsing or change of filter pads and charcoal. Goldfish should NEVER be kept in a bowl as it gets toxic very quickly with waste with no filtration. Feed according to species and DO NOT overfeed. Remember fish are always hungry mainly because that part of their brain does not shut off. Your local pet shop should carry a good variety of dry and live food.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember water is heavy at about 7 pounds per gallon so aquariums are best located by a load bearing wall.
• DO NOT locate the aquarium by a window as sunlight will cause a massive growth of algae.
• DO NOT put a heater in a goldfish aquarium as they are cold water fish.
• DO NOT house tropical and goldfish in the same aquarium as they have different temperature needs.
• DO NOT house fat bodied goldfish (fan tails) with slim goldfish (comets and commons) as the slim ones will chase the fat ones thinking they are ready to breed (fat with unfertilized eggs) The stress will kill the fat bodied ones.
• DO NOT put sharp edged rocks or other ornaments in the aquarium as it can cause damage to any fish that bumps it. Any injury will become infected.
• DO NOT put sea shells in any fresh water aquarium. It causes a problem in water chemistry.
• DO NOT overfeed. This is a main cause of fish death mainly because uneaten food fouls the water creating colonies of bad bacteria.