I love my girlfriend, but she makes it so hard to be honest!" A young, 22-year-old can't understand the paradox of loving someone and being unable to be completely honest. After all, weren't we brought up to believe that love and honesty went hand-in-hand if a couple was to experience the bliss of togetherness?
True, but it's also important for the person at the receiving end, to take a step back and realise, maybe it's a two-way street! Maybe, your partner is not the only one to blame. If you find that your partner is lying to you, the first thing you do, (post the yelling/shock) is to get to the heart of the matter. Here are reasons why couples in relationships lie:
Too many rules
Sometimes, couples set unnecessary, controlling boundaries for partners that lead to lying. Nobody likes being told what to do. For instance, the boyfriend decides his girlfriend cannot talk to any other boy or cannot hang out with her gal pals. In such cases, a partner might feel suffocated and pull away, heralding a volley of lies.
Fear of criticism
Partners usually seek support and appreciation from each other, but if they face harsh criticism or feel condemned when they make a mistake, lying might be the easiest route out.
Defence mechanism
A lot of people adopt lying as a way of life, as it makes life easier, helps avoid punishment or negativity and solves short-term problems. Facing the truth, accepting reality and then incorporating a change is hard, but it's definitely possible.
Peer pressure
People also lie under peer pressure to indulge in activities that might potentially upset their partners (such as smoking or drinking).
Acceptance
It's difficult to find people who love and accept you for the person you are. When people feel alienated, they exaggerate facts or make up stories for approval. So, what should one do if they find that they are being lied to?
Think about what your partner lied about — is it trivial or something that could scar your relationship or your self-esteem.
Clear your communication channels. Ask your partner his reasons for lying. Understand their motivation and decide over time, if it's acceptable to you or not.
Comprehend your partner's reaction — is he sincere about not repeating the lie. It could also be a mirror to one's own insecurities.
Figure out if you can change your attitude towards your partner, which might improve bonding and avoid unnecessary lies in the future. Maybe you were too harsh and had unrealistic expectations. What 'you' would do in a similar situation — try and explain that as a solution to your partner. Explain your needs and wants in a clear and calm manner. Lies are mostly unnecessary and painful. But this time around, use the lessons to understand your individual personalities and compatibility. Experience is the best teacher and at worst, it's an excuse to eat more chocolate, meet new people and to try something different!
True, but it's also important for the person at the receiving end, to take a step back and realise, maybe it's a two-way street! Maybe, your partner is not the only one to blame. If you find that your partner is lying to you, the first thing you do, (post the yelling/shock) is to get to the heart of the matter. Here are reasons why couples in relationships lie:
Too many rules
Sometimes, couples set unnecessary, controlling boundaries for partners that lead to lying. Nobody likes being told what to do. For instance, the boyfriend decides his girlfriend cannot talk to any other boy or cannot hang out with her gal pals. In such cases, a partner might feel suffocated and pull away, heralding a volley of lies.
Fear of criticism
Partners usually seek support and appreciation from each other, but if they face harsh criticism or feel condemned when they make a mistake, lying might be the easiest route out.
Defence mechanism
A lot of people adopt lying as a way of life, as it makes life easier, helps avoid punishment or negativity and solves short-term problems. Facing the truth, accepting reality and then incorporating a change is hard, but it's definitely possible.
Peer pressure
People also lie under peer pressure to indulge in activities that might potentially upset their partners (such as smoking or drinking).
Acceptance
It's difficult to find people who love and accept you for the person you are. When people feel alienated, they exaggerate facts or make up stories for approval. So, what should one do if they find that they are being lied to?
Think about what your partner lied about — is it trivial or something that could scar your relationship or your self-esteem.
Clear your communication channels. Ask your partner his reasons for lying. Understand their motivation and decide over time, if it's acceptable to you or not.
Comprehend your partner's reaction — is he sincere about not repeating the lie. It could also be a mirror to one's own insecurities.
Figure out if you can change your attitude towards your partner, which might improve bonding and avoid unnecessary lies in the future. Maybe you were too harsh and had unrealistic expectations. What 'you' would do in a similar situation — try and explain that as a solution to your partner. Explain your needs and wants in a clear and calm manner. Lies are mostly unnecessary and painful. But this time around, use the lessons to understand your individual personalities and compatibility. Experience is the best teacher and at worst, it's an excuse to eat more chocolate, meet new people and to try something different!
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